“We’re gonna do something, somewhere. You in?”
“Any clue as to what it’ll be?”
“Not one, but its gonna be awesome. ”
“Well then…. Hell yeah we’re in.”
And that is just about, word for word, the way my night started.
At this point SirDave interjects that we should head to The Hobbit Cafe, because there’s a waitress there he wants to practice his flirtations on. So now we get to play the “Pass the Phone for Directions” game. After roughly 4 minutes and 8 passes, we finally have everything set with Goose and Berry, who are going to attempt to find their way there. The 4 of us troop downstairs and after a brief shouted discussion across the parking lot, decide that we should all hop into SirDave’s open top Jeep to make the journey.
At this point I’d like to point out that it is a thoroughly miserable week for March in Houston. Drizzly and about 40 degrees. So our decision ranks pretty far down on the “stupid fucking choices” scale. I manage to finagle my way into the mostly protected front seat, leaving Piyoucaneat and Krythe to ride in the back. Me and SirDave spend most of the trip alternating jokes about how we’re going to fuck with the waiter at the vegetarian cafe (veal was mentioned several times) and jokes at Krythe’s expense (Who was looking truly miserable in the elementally exposed backseat).
Unfortunately, when we arrive at the Hobbit, we discover we won’t even get a chance to disgust a few vegans, as the cafe closes at a saddening 10:30. So we hop back in the Jeepmobile (Krythe riding shotgun this time, as I felt sorry for him) and take off, deciding on the way to head to Agora. We ring up Goose and Berry, once again playing “Pass the Phone” only this time traveling about 40mph in an open jeep. We somehow get everything set in only 4 passes and we’re off to the coffeehouse, me and Pi freezing our nuts off in the back.
We park on the street, as anyone will tell you that you must for Agora, and start to walk off. Right about there is where the Jeep starts to roll backwards, which prompts SirDave to dash over for the parking brake while the rest of us point and laugh. After the Jeepmobile is firmly nestled against the curb, we walk on over to the coffeehouse and it is paaaacked. I’m talking the condom aisle the day before prom packed. We manage to squeeze our way into the house and start to stand in what we assume is the line to order something. We soon begin to realize that there is not a single free table anywhere in the entire place. And this is about the point where we also realize that we are not drunk, trendy, or patient enough to stand around and drink coffee, so we begin to push our way back outside, finally running into Goose and Berry and dragging them along.
There is a brief discussion about where we want to head to, before SirDave proclaims that he has to have a cup of joe, so Katz’s is quickly decided upon. Now that we have two forms of vehicular transportation we decide to load up Goose’s car, since it has the distinct advantage of windows and a roof. I really don’t want to make SirDave ride all by his lonesome, so I head with him back to the Jeepmobile and we vamoose off down Westheimer. We arrive to find everyone else waiting for us, and luckily get called for our table pretty much as we get there. We head upstairs and are immediately glad that we decided to head here instead of Agora, since we can actually sit the fuck down.
We end up with the same waitress as we’ve had on multiple occasions, Rebecca, and SirDave immediately proceeds with his flirtations. And almost immediately afterward realizes he’s not gonna get anywhere and shuts it on up and decides to just order. We end up with a smattering of water and coffee orders, as well as a jack and coke for SirDave (Who never actually got any coffee, despite his previous demand for one). Our actual food orders end up being much more eclectic, totaling a bagel, a plate of fried pickles, potato skins and a #4 for Goose. He placed his food firmly in the hands of Rebecca, not even looking at the menu as he said “I’ll have exactly what you would have, right now.” He ended up with a fairly delicious Scottish Smoked Salmon Sandwich, so it ended up thoroughly in his favor.
All of the food ended up being absolutely spectacular, as per usual at Katz’s, which I would recommend to anyone looking for a late night bite to eat. The conversation also started out fairly well, with the revelation of Berry’s cup size (which is 34C for anyone who’s interested). We moved from there into fairly standard fare for our crowd, which meant getting strange looks as SirDave and Goose busted into a rendition of “Danger Zone.” A lot of across the table text messaging was happening, which lead to me pointing out the Krythe was getting left out of it, which then led to him getting 5 text messages in about 4 seconds. Pi pointed out that one of the waiter’s looked like, “The 70′s” and the table unanimously agreed, segueing into a discussion about which decade you would most like to live in (1920′s winning with two votes from Pi and Krythe). SirDave’s answer only served to amuse and confuse the rest of us, as his choice (The 1670′s) was soon pointed out to contain nothing more than the plague. The fried pickles brought to mind the fried vegetables at the Ausländer Biergarten in Fredricksburg and the fact that deep frying vegetables removes any actual bonus from eating vegetables. Pi then shared with the group that he had so much caffeine from the 5 cups of dark coffee and previously downed energy drinks that everything was starting to seem slowed down compared to him.
The time for dessert rolled around and we ended up with an extra 7 layer chocolate cake, as Goose had jokingly asked the waitress what she would get for dessert, and she took it to mean bring him one. So we ended up completely switching around seats so that me and Goose could devour one cake, while Berry demolished the one she had actually ordered. SirDave ordered what he claimed was a waffle, but looked much more like a mountain of whipped cream and strawberries. Somehow me and Goose decided it was a good idea to each take a humongous bite of cake and see if we could swallow it down with only 5 chews. He went first, using all 5 chews and swallowing it in a pathetic 6 different small swallows. I then had to show him why you shouldn’t get into any sort of eating contest with a fat-ass, downing mine in 3 chews and one big swallow. Soon afterward I make the mistake of pointing out the fact that my leg was actually shaking from the amount of caffeine I had consumed, which Goose apparently heard as “Punch my leg to make it stop shaking.” Which he did. With gusto.
So we finally decide we’ve subjected the other patrons to more than enough swearing and rambunctious laughter and head downstairs to our cars. We say goodbyes to Goose and Berry and the 4 of us remaining pile back into the Jeepmobile, Pi finally getting his turn to ride shotgun. After we begin moving, SirDave decides it would be hilarious to hit every pothole he can find, just to fuck with us in the back. This leads to an unfortunate event I am forced to call ‘Turtling,” but little did I know that it was about to be stricken from my mind. See, SirDave finally enlightens us with his plan to take 59 and 610 to get back home, which means we’re going to be traveling at roughly 80 miles an hour. In a Jeep. In 40 degree weather. Needless to say, me and Krythe are less than pleased. I am wearing what could at best be described as a light jacket, with more than a few holes burned in the sleeve (A story for another time).
Me and Krythe’s antics have Pi and SirDave rolling with laughter the entire way home. These antics include screaming like little girls, saying we’re getting frostbite, zipping myself completely inside my jacket, and assaulting Pi when he suggested doing a full loop around 610. The bastard. Well, we make back to the apartment without either of us being turned into human popsicles, which everyone is fairly glad about. We then decide to play a quick game of Settler’s of Catan, which we then turn into a drinking game by stating that everytime a 7 is rolled the rollee has to take a drink. This sadly did not end up with anyone getting buzzed except Pi, who had the misfortune of rolling 8 7′s and taking 3 shots because he didn’t want to discard any of his cards. SirDave ended up winning handily, and we finally decided to call it a night.
So there was our Saturday night, how was yours?
